Someone once told me that "You are the combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with". Not only can this be applied to 'who I am' but it can be applied to who I am looking for also. Reazling that this is probably very true, I decided to do some self-reflection.
Someone also once told me that if you want to figure out what qualities you don't want in a man, then you should make up a list of the top 5 things you didn't like about your past boyfriends, find the similarities (there are bound to be some) and create what she called a "black list". If you meet someone that has more than one of these qualities, you probably shouldn't date them and you should tell them to kick rocks. Those things are obviously important and should not be overlooked. Too often to girls (myself included) rationalize away important things. Or think, "hey that's not THAT big of a deal that he doesn't do (fill in blank)" when in reality, it IS a big deal and it shouldn't go over looked. If it makes you upset that he didn't do something (or did something you dont like) then it's obviously something that shouldn't be brushed off. OR we think to ourselves... he might do that in the future. well ladies... chances are, if he hasn't by now he probably won't. AND he's not going to change. No, you can't change him. I've tried. It doesn't work. If you don't love him with all your heart while you're dating and see stars and hearts and bubbles floating when you think about him, how is it going to be when you get MARRIED?! Dating is the best part of the relationship and if you don't like him then, you certainly won't like him anymore with a ring on your finger.
Instead of being a negative nancy and thinking of only the 5 things I don't want in a man, I decided to flip this and think of the 5 things those past boyfriends DID do that I did like and see what similarities I come up with to figure out what I DO want from a man. After all, I can't find a man and be happy with him and I don't know what I want, right?! Right. So let's get started with this little adventure...
Boyfriend #1:
Calls and Texts were very rare- never talked WITH me
I was not in his top priorities of the day/ he didn't want to be committed to me
He changed how he acted around his friends / his friends influenced him TOO much
My family thought he was sketchy
Discouraged me from going out and being with friends or doing anything on my own (jealous!)
Bought me flowers
Took me on dates
Adventurous
Cooked for me
Willing to compromise
Boyfriend #2:
I was not in his top priorities of the day/ he didn't want to be committed to me
Kinda...boring.
Asshole
Family did NOT like him
Immature
Texted me and called me often
Took me on dates
Not jealous
Catholic and went to church with me every Sunday
Boyfriend#3:
Bad temper
Immature and STUBBORN
Talked TO me instead of WITH me
Would not compromise
He changed how he acted around his friends / his friends influenced him TOO much
Really loved me / had a passion for me
Catholic and had great values
Said all the right things to make me think he was perfect
FUN to be around- easy going
Family loved him and I loved his family
Alright.... not gonna lie. that was rough to write. But it was necessary. So, here we go. THIS is what I'm looking for and if you want to reel me in here ya go:
You can forget about that deceptive and shallow approach because I will see right through that nonsense. Instead, key into my intellect. I think that this is the core to my beauty. Not to be selfish but I actually like getting compliements. It makes me feel like you are noticing me. Dont just say "You're HOTT and I wanna SCREW you!" thats not what I'm talking about... I want genuine compliements that are deeper than that. Communication is KEY here. Invovle me in some deep one-on-one conversation. Get to know ME and ask how my day was. Please do not talk about yourself for 3 hours and not allow me to get a single word in. I do want to know about you too, however, let's try and more back and forth approach. When you ask me about how I am, trust me, I love it and I will always remember it. I have a great memory and some say my hippocampus is too active, so just remember that I will remember your actions. Your actions speak louder than your words and what you are doing and how you are acting will not be outplayed when you say, "you have pretty hair" (you gotta do both. I know you can do it ;-] ) Having you help me with the dishes means more to me than you buying me dinner. Romance is extremely important to me. Light some candles, put on some soft music, dance with me in the kitchen, kiss me sweetly, write me a letter, text me you love me (often), buy me flowers, take me to the park to go on a walk, hold my hand, snuggle with me, wake me up with a kiss, tell me all those lines you think are cheesy because let's face it. i'm a fan! I am loyal, so be faithful back. Give me something to be faithful to!I want to live for the adventure. Each day is a new day and I want to be with someone who has an adventure for LIFE and will do things with me and can keep up with me, but yet wants to have kids and a family with me. I want to be the center of your universe and yet know that we can do our own independent activties knowing we will go home to each other at night. 20 years from now, I still want you to romance the hell out of me and I want to know that I'm still the number one priority in life. Love and marriage are not just feelings. It's a decision we make as adults. You CHOOSE to love someone. (the action of loving them, not the feeling of loving them) You choose to buy flowers and write letters. If you know that someone likes that they WHY WOULD YOU NOT DO IT?! Hello!!!!! Do what you know your lover likes, even if it isn't your favorite thing- that's called LOVE. Time after time I've told my boyfriends "hey I like flowers, or cards, or texts in the morning to say have a great day" did they ever do it? nope. WHY!? I'm handing you the opportunity to put a smile on my face and you chose not to do it because you didn't like it or "it's not your thing". It's called a sacrifice and a compromise. Don't be a douche bag. Be honest. Be faithful. Be in love with me. Make compromises. Smile often. Look at the world adventurously.
My "Love Language" is acts of kindness. I will know you love me through you geniune acts of kindness. Go to the end of the earth for me and I will do the same for you. This isn't what I want... It's what I need.
"I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love"
-Bob Dylan
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