Passion2011

This whole thing started with a phone call from the one and only Mary Beth.  She and I had been talking over the past few weeks about how excited she was to go to this huge Christian conference in the World Congress Center and Philips Arena.  Normally I’m not really into the whole “We are way too Christian let’s sit around and sing I love you Jesus songs and talk about our feelings” kind of conferences.  Not really knowing what went on at this one… I never really thought much about it until she called me late one night offering me a free pass for Sunday. Tickets go for around $250 a seat and they sell out.  This prized possession was a once in a life time opportunity I couldn’t say no to.  Even though I had been out late the night before, I got up early (on my last day off of winter break), drug my happy ass down to the  chaotic ATL and began this whirl wind of a day. Here is what I learned from this outstanding experience of speakers and talented musicians…..

The Will of God.

God’s Will.

The Lord’s Plan for me and my life.

Where am I going? What does He want for me today? Tomorrow? In a week? In a month? In 5 years? In 50 years? Where is He taking me?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

Over the course of the past 11 years, I have only known one path in dating.  My head has known that this isn’t how it’s supposed to work.  I shouldn’t equate physical intimacy with love.  It should be the other way around but somehow, over these past 11 years of repeated behavior tied in with men who think that same way, this path has been paved in cement and stone on a road of self destruction.  Sam is too good of a man for me to continue on this path.  This has shown me that it’s more important to be connected deeply and intellectually than physically.

This concept of a man loving me for ME is so new to me, yet some how I’ve always known this to be truth and this is what my heart has always desired.  I’m not trying to blame the media by any means here, however, I think that our (me and other women’s) opinion of love has been skewed.  We are brain washed from a young age to think that we must have x,y, and z physical features and be able to do x,y, and z with our bodies in order for a man to be attracted to us.  Only then, will he fall in love with us.  I have learned from experience that this doesn’t work.  It only leads to heart ache and sets the relationship up for failure.  Looks fade and when they do, what are you going to have left in that relationship? There better be a deep meaningful connection there to sustain a relationship for a life time other wise… you’re in a boat going down river with out anything but a tooth pick to save you. God needs me to fully trust in him right now.  He is preparing me for something so GREAT that I won’t be able to do it without Him.  I think that this is the beginning of the Will of God; my path; my journey; where I’m supposed to go in life, in love, and in aspiration to live a life for God.  He’s calling me to Greatness and I need to rise to the occasion.

I MUST change my conscious actions uncertain situations in order to eventually change how I feel and react / act in those situations.  Its unbelievable to me that I have let myself be so foolish over these years.  It’s going to be different from now on.  He’s different you know… I can’t let my past happen again.  I will make better choices so I can follow the will of God and become the woman HE wants me and created me to be.

God has planned something so great for us.  [Psalm 37] “Security of those who trust in the Lord”

We act out of what we believe. Break the pattern of victimization.  Once the behavior is broken, the belief will follow. I want God to change me in his Word.  Desires of the flesh will not matter in the end… desires of the heart will.

1)    Nothing dictates our lives like our desires:  We are driven most buy what we want the most.  What drives me? We will follow our hearts and desires and we will fall back into what we want to do at the end of the day.  So, something in that heart needs to be reformed so as to be able to make that change. “WHAT DO YOU SEEK?” [John 1] What do I really want and what do I really long for? A true desire is a sustained longing unaffected by circumstances or mood.  What is my truest desire?

I want to be loved and I want to love.

2)    Beneath the desire of our heart is the heart of our desire: What we think we want changes constantly. When something doesn’t happen that we thought would happen this is because HE knows better for us.

3)    Delighting in God makes our truest desires inevitable: God delights in me.  The reciprocal delight will make my desires (my deepest desires) happen.  There is no feeling like it! If we see him, He will add unimaginable blessings to our lives. God tells us what we can do and once we actually do it, it’s unbelievable! We must push past our own fear to do it. DO IT. Jesus will fill us up with the capability. Believe in God over the bondage of our past behaviors.  We must make the decision to go the other way and do the opposite.  This kind of victory is a victory for you AND God and it is filled with joy.  The choice you made is a victory. We are usually oblivious to how much God actually does love us and the moment we smile back, there is mutual, glorious, delight.

4)    Nothing external can steal our right to delight: Only our other emotions can take away delighting in God:

J: Jealousy. This is a form of desire tenged with resentment. You are not ment to imitate anyone else.

A: Anger.  This is passion that is extreme and destructive motivation that breaks up everything in your life. (What is it you are so mad about?)

W: Worry.  Worry is wrapped up in control. Only God can control.  It does not add a single second to our lives.

[Trust is the cure for JAW]

5)    To make room for delight, we have to commit: commit ourselves to the Lord; the plan; the will; the future.  The plan is perfect for me and despite my background, I am going to commit to it!

6)    Patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight is not passive: Be still before the Lord and do not fret. Wait patiently and do it with joy.  There’s time to be stil and times to speak.  We must have a relationship with God. He can’t just be on our to-do list.

I must be bold enough to change those things in my life that are taking me away from God. I can’t be afraid to change. What can I consciously change and do in my life to live as a better person in the image and likeness of God?

For now, I must trust in the Lord.  He has a great plan for me.  I know that I must trust in him to provide me with the wisdom and strength to be bold enough to make choices that will change my life forever.  He’s in control.  I can only thank Him continuously for all of the blessings he has bestowed upon me in my life.  I would not be the woman I am today without him.  I’ve got some serious living to do.

 If I can’t change 100 peoples lives, I want to change one.

Passion 2012: THE DOME.  I’ll be there. Will you?