January: This was the start of my last semester of college. The beginning of the end. The final lap. The grande finale. (you get the picture). I was holding on to every ounce of every day with all that I could to try and make it last, but I knew the end was coming. I took the GACE for the 2nd time in Savannah. For all those who don't know what that is, it's the Georgia Assessments for the Certification of Educators exam. I took the exam for the second time to try and obtain my teaching certificate for the state of Georgia. This exam is conducted based on your content area, for example, I want to be a Family and Consumer Science teacher for middle/ high school so my GACE exam covered secondary FACS while if someone wanted to teach middle grades English, their GACE would cover middle grades English. Makes sense. duh. The first time I took the exam, I failed by 3 questions. The second time, I failed by 4 questions. January 9th, 2010 I did not receive my teaching certificate and was not qualified to teach family and consumer sciences to middle and high schoolers for the next 5 years.. The rest of January I begun my student teaching in Tattnall County High School in Reidsville, GA. I began writing lesson plans and picking up class periods one by one to plan, teach, and grade on my own without assistance from anyone. This is where I learned how to be an adult in charge of 30 high schoolers with no direction in their lives. It amazes me that I was only 4 years older than the seniors in my class, yet it felt like 10 because of the maturity level in the room. I was nervous about the experience. It took a lot for me to step out of my comfort zone and teach these kids about fire safety and cultural diversity when all they know is like 3 miles of their town, guns, camo, trucks, and farming...oh and how to get pregnant. By this time, I had finished my last classes of college, taken my last exam, paying all my bills, and trying to be responsible enough to get a job and become an adult. Needless to say.... I was scared shitless.
February: While student teaching was in full swing, I knew I had to do something with myself socially and physically so that I didn't go crazy. Elizabeth talked me into doing the Triathalon that our campus hosts annually. I began to really train and my workouts (after teaching for 8 hours) were up to 2 hours a day with 2 or 3 different routines alternating between swimming, running, biking, and of course, zumba! Some how, I knew I had to do it for me to prove to myself that I could finish a triathalon. At this point in the semester, I almost had no social life. I got up every day before 6 a.m., drove an hour to TCHS, worked until 4, drove an hour home, went to the gym for 2 hours, showered, went straight to the library for hours to do lesson plans and grade papers and write my (unnecessary yet some how mandatory) daily reflections on the student teaching experience, and was in bed by 11:30. M-F I did nothing with friends. Friday and Saturday I did nothing without friends and Sunday I was back to the grind. My relationship was failing, my friends were fading, and my relationship with God was nonexistent. However, I was making perfect marks on all my lesson plans, got perfect reviews from my observations, and was able to run 3 miles, after zumba and a 20 minute swim. This is also the time when my resume was perfected and I started applying for jobs daily. I even had 2 interviews with AT&T for a really great position that I didn't get.
March: TRIATHALON TIME! The family came into town and Eric, Elizabeth, Steven, Keri and I geared up for the 26 degree weather adventure and kicked some serious ass. I went to the graduation gala, took my senior pictures, and sent out the graduation announcements. "Oh shit. IT''s real. I'm graduating and have no clue where I'm going" Spring break for GSU came and went and what did I do on my senior year spring break? I worked. Student teachers didn't get to take the college's spring break bc God forbid we actually have fun in our last semester of our college lives. I took some of my students to Athens for a FACS competition and some of them even made it to the national championship competition that took place in July. My relationship with these girls was ever growing. I felt like I was really making a difference in some of their lives. I was teaching them skills no one had ever taught them before about information that they needed for their lives. Some listened. Some didn't. But as long as I could make a difference in one person's life...... all the work was worth it. That moment for me came in June.. Also, in March, I went to my first fraternity semi formal. Jacob was a Sig Ep and he took me to the Kentucky Derby. The weekend was ridiculous. We almost got kicked out of the hotel. It was what I needed to feel like a college kid again.
April: My god-father, Dave, was confirmed into the Catholic church. Boom. I had my 4th annual pirate party (complete with booty shaking contest and costume contest) At this point, student teaching is slowing down because I could now write a full lesson plan in under 30 minutes so it was more just about executing things well in the classroom. My social life was picking back up and I began to attempt to rekindle some of those relationships. However, my own personal relationship was at it's worst. Things were going down hill and fast and there was nothing I could do to save it. We both knew it. We didn't say anything because we both knew I was graduating in May and moving home and that would be the end of it. I went to my final Phi U seminar and passed my torch of Secretary down to the newer and younger Phi U inductee. I wrote my final evaluations of my student teaching and finalized my last resume to send over to another 100 schools. Things were really going fast and my attempts to hold onto college was slipping through my fingers. My last day at TCHS was on April 30. I said my good byes and I have since thought about almost all of the students. They changed me and I only hope I changed them. I realized I could actually teach. I could educate. I was capable of doing it. And I think I succeeded.
May: Graduation day arrived. May 8, 2010 9:00 A.M Paulson Stadium. We had the largest graduating class in the history of GSU. The blistering sun made us even more aware of just how large out class was. My thoughts for this grand graduation party didn't happen. You see, everyone had family in town and had other parties to attend. Also, My bf at the time didn't acknowledge that it was happening and never once told me he was proud of me. (Things like that resinate in your forever, ya know) My friends and I were growing up. We had different plans for the future. We were moving on. This was the last time we were all together in one place. I cried myself to sleep that night. It was over. I'm finished. My college life is gone. Where do I go now? What do I do? Where am I going to live? I have no money. I have no job. and the only thing to my name was a bill of student loans. Oh shit. I spent the next few weeks reading rejection emails and letters from schools and applying for any job online that I met the qualifications for. On my 22nd birthday, my friends spoiled me and we went out with a real bang. Outrageous and one of the best birthdays of my entire life! It was much needed. I also spent the next few weeks with no job, no school and nothing to do except drink, go to the pool, go to the beach, and watch the entire 6 seasons of LOST.
June: I took the GACE again-- third times the charm, right?? This time... I PASSED! I was back and forth between home and the boro because I had to have lots of work done on my skin. All my laying in the sun was catching up to me. I also had jury duty for the first time ever. That was a waste of time. As previously stated, I finally had that moment when all of my hard work during student teaching became worth it. For those of you who don't know, the place were I taught was very poor. No one went to college or did anything with their lives past high school (if they finished) and it was rare to find the ones who did move on. Over the course of the semester I got to know all of my students and talk to them about their futures. One of my students in particular really didn't think he could ever go to college or have much of a life outside of the town. In February I asked him if he ever had considered the military or any armed service and he blew me off as if I was joking with him. THEN.... this month... he found me on facebook and wrote me the sweetest message about how he is going to boot camp in September and he wanted to thank me for believing in him. He never thought he could do anything with his life and I inspired him to do something great with his life. Un be lieve able. I sobbed with joy.
July: I spent my first and last 4th of July in statesboro with a great group of people. All my guys were there. Somehow, over the course of the last 4 years at school I managed to make 8 really close guy friends and only a few really close girl friends. Funny how that works. I went on one last date with Jacob the night before I moved and we said our goodbyes. I walked through campus one last time and visisted my last few people. I packed up the moving truck and moved back in with my parents. No one was home when I got there. My parents were on vacation and I moved myself into my old room by myself. It was surreal. I was finished with college and moved home. What?!!? I didn't even unpack a single item and immediately went to North Carolina to our family's cabin. I couldn't deal with it just yet. Maybe a little vacation would help. I came home from the weekend to a disaster of a room and a job interview to go to. Sweet and Sassy... here I come! Over the rest of the month, I worked as many hours as I could and tried to start paying for all my own bills. Only making $8 an hour proved to make that somewhat difficult. So I got a second job at Yankee Candle. I was working 40+ hours a week and still only making $8 an hour at each place. I was physically exhausted and my mental stat was in the trenches. In a very desperate attempt to regain my mental capacity I started to reach out to old friends and start making new friends here in my new...home.. again.. Braves games, nights out at the bar, drinks with friends, dinners, movies, anything I could do to get out of the house and to be with people was worth it.
August: This month snuck up on me. I watched my cousins for a whole week while my aunt and uncle were out of town. This made me start to realize that I'm ready for more than just a college life. I'm ready to grow up and put on my big girl panties and get a real job and get out on my own. I CAN do it and i NEED to do it. I have yet to visit Statesboro (despite some people's desperate attempts to make me come down there) and I just wanted to get my shit together in ATL before going back there and seeing the life that I missed so much.
September: Elizabeth and I decided it would be fun to surprise our college age cousin on her 21st birthday. We packed up the car and headed to Dayton, OH for her birthday... on a Tuesday. Who does that??! WE DO! We got to have fun, go out, and celebrate her wonderful day. What happens in Dayton...stays in Dayton... We were there longer than we were traveling only by a few hours but we packed in as much fun as we possibly could. At this point, I returned to a life of Yankee Candle and Sweet and Sassy fun. I started going out more with friends and really getting my life going. Things were looking up for me. Elizabeth, Sarah and Rosemary and I joined the ATL bocce league so wednesday nights were ridiculously fun. Our cheering team was pretty great too! On a night that we went out to Ormsby's after our last game, we celebrated Elizabeth's birthday. It was this night that I started to notice just how single I was and just how much I maybe kind of started to kind of like someone that has been in my life for a while. I ALSO got a job interview at DFS, got the job, and started my first day on Sept 27. BIG TIMER!!!!
October: I was finally ready for my step to go back to statesboro. I went down for one night the first weekend of the month and had a ridiculous time. I spent quality time with the friends I missed and got to feel like I was home again. It felt good. I needed it. I also needed to know that I had moved on from that life. Being there made me realize that I didn't want that life any more. I like working. I like having a regular schedule. I like not having papers to write or projects to worry about. The life I have in ATL is much, much better than the one I had in the boro. Grown up time!!! I came back from the weekend and went back to work and loved it. Over the next month, I continued to enjoy my life here and continued to make more solid friendships. I spent my first halloween in down town atlanta with my brother alex and his friends. wow. ridiculous. I also went on a few random dates with a few random people that I honestly will never talk to again. Yea, single life!
November: My second trip to statesboro was the weekend of homecoming. This weekend was absolutely WONDERMOUS. I brought calliebaker with me and she and I just really enjoyed all that the town has to offer. Again, still glad Im not there worrying about school, but loved to enjoy the people there for the weekend. A few girls and I took Mary Beth out for her 23rd birthday. A girls night?! SWEET! We went to a tapas restaurant downtown and then went to Dad's garage for an improv show. This is the month that I began to realize that atl is pretty damn sweet. People aspire to be here and I already live here. Why not embrace the opportunity I have in my lap and get every ounce of it out of it as possible?! Theres so many cool things to do in the city and outside of the city so I need to tell the chain restaurants to kick rocks and go to an authentic real delish and one of a kind restaurant. booooom! One day in this month I randomly was out at the fred with my sis and her buds and he was there... and he asked me casually go to see cirque...and i...well you read the blog about it-- Thanksgiving was bliss. For the first time in my entire life, I was at home for the holiday. Usually our family goes to NC or FL for the celebration to be with all the extended family. However, my immediate family has grown so much over the past few years that this time instead of piling 10 people up to the cabin, we just stayed here. We all made a dish and just played bocce and other yard games all day and just enjoyed each other's company. The next day elizabeth and mom and i went to do the black friday shopping with e's mother in law. This was my first experience and I will never, ever do it again. Yep. I can cross it off the bucket list and I'm DONE. On Thanksgiving, Alex surprised our family with Falcons Tickets. (see: http://twobuerglers.blogspot.com/2010/12/sunday-funday.html ) I also had the opportunity to see Jacob. We sat and discussed why our relationship failed, what we both did wrong, how we can grow and learn from it, and we said goodbye. It was really good closure. I needed it and I haven't looked back. All is forgiven and it's gone forever. I'm thankful for the opportunity so I can really let go of that whole situation so I can move on with my life, not dwell, and open my heart to new people and new opportunities. The healing is complete.
December: See previous blog about the month. Sam rocks my face, btw.
The year was crazy and ridiculous and at many times out of control. I think 2010 treated me pretty damn well. Even though I'm still a kid, I think I grew up. a lot. I changed a lot about my life in one year. I'm old enough to realize a good thing when I've got it while having the strength to walk away from a bad situation. I have learned from my mistakes in the past and the only truly devastating mistake I can make at this point would be to be with the wrong person even though I know they are the wrong person. I no longer want to just say I'm going to do all these great things with my life in my 20's. I want to actualy DO THEM. I refuse to get stuck. I think it's important to do something great with your life. I'm 22 years old and this is the time in my life where I can go anywhere and do anything so I need to get off my ass and do it. This year was just the beginning of my real life.... my freshman year of real life, if you will. It's a crazy and scary adventure, but I think as long as I have good people, good family and close friends there to guide me every step of the way, it can be something really magical. I can make my fairy tale ending happen; the story has already begun. In the spirit of New Years, this year my new years resolution isn't something cliche like "lose 20 lbs!!" or "dont' eat chocolate!", No. Instead, this year, I vow to be a better me. I vow to continue this crazy and scary adventure for no one else but for me; to let myself become who I really am; to create a life full of laughter; to continue to grow in my faith and my relationship with God; to continue to grow into an adult; to continue to grow in my relationship with sam; to continue to grow in my relationships with my girlfriends; and to be a the best person I know how to be. 2010, you were good to me...but I'm moving on to something bigger and better.
This beauty wants an adventure. I want someone to fight a battle for me. And I want to make this year, the year of a life time. Cheers to you 2011.
Let the adventure begin!!
This beauty wants an adventure. I want someone to fight a battle for me. And I want to make this year, the year of a life time. Cheers to you 2011.
Let the adventure begin!!
1 comment:
Wooooo! It really was a wild ride this 2010, wasn't it? Glad your 2011 is off to a great start. Love you :)
PS thanks for the shout outs in your blog
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